Monday, June 3, 2013

Paybacks are a Bitch

It took a while for the two fellows I had paint themselves Black to get back at me… but I always knew it was still coming.

It was several months later and I had a BBQ party to go to on a Sunday afternoon, Id decided I didn't want to drink so much that I couldn’t drive home so arrived with just a few beers to find these two blokes among the gathering crowd.
It was the usual Aussie BBQ with plenty of food and alcohol to keep everyone merry until quite late. Eventually though I reluctantly headed for my car and home and bed to be ready for work Monday morning.
As I walked out to the car there was nothing that looked out of place, I opened the drivers door and was immediately aware of a sickly sweet smell throughout the car. Someone had splashed a large amount of cheap perfume all over the interior of my car, not nice!... but I chuckled as I considered that this was their crumby revenge.
I didn't notice anything as I reached for my seat belt, didn't notice anything as I put the key into the ignition and started the motor, was relieved that they hadn’t thought to disable my motor… Didn't notice anything until I popped the lights on and looked forward and didn't see anything… nothing at all, it was totally Black.
Confused for a second I flicked on the wipers and heard them bump their way up and back but continued to see nothing, I got out and ran my hand across the glass and realized it had been painted…painted Black.
It was only then I heard the laughing behind me and turned to see most of the remaining people standing together in the shadows watching me and trying not to fall over from the laughing.

I remembered the craft knife in my console and quickly retrieved it, fully extended the blade and leaned right out across the window to try scraping the paint off,  a long curl of dry paint fed off the sharp edge as I drew it across the window and I leaned forward to take another bite. As I worked my way up and then down the window the laughter slowly died away as they saw how easily I dealt with the painted glass.
At last and quite satisfied with the result I climbed back into the car and reached for the key again only to be stopped dead in my tracks by the sight through the windscreen…Black!
I reached forward but knew before I touched the glass that it was covered in paint as well, the bastards had painted both sides of the glass with pressure packs of Flat Black Paint and used the perfume so I wouldn’t smell the paint inside the car.
I felt defeated but reached into the console to retrieve the craft knife once more to scrape the glass from top to bottom in long smooth strokes. This time the light poured through as soon as I made the first scrape and the vista slowly opened before me to show the twenty people now standing right in front of the car laughing once more. A few couldn’t resist the effects of gravity and laughter and ended up rolling on the ground in front of my car.

It wasn’t until morning the next day that I fully saw the damage.
Black Paint all over the window frame, over spray on mirrors and bonnet and much worse inside the car, the dash, roof, gauges… damn Black Paint everywhere.
At the time I was driving an old Ford Wagon that was past its use by date and as reliable as a pensioners erection.  I was saving for another car so I didn't try very hard to clean the car but merely scraped the windows so I could see and drove on for another six months before buying another car and having this one crushed. (I really did have it crushed flat)