Sunday, December 26, 2010

How was it for you?

This Christmas was like most others lately, I got designated as ‘designated driver’, a job I hate but always seem to get on these occasions. Anyone know where the list is made and how you get your name taken off the list?
Recently I decided I needed a challenge and since I'm somewhat famous for not being able to make anything from wood but a damn good fire I naturally chose to make a boat…from wood. The bits are out there in the shed right now, all cut out and waiting for supplies to arrive via courier. One of my son-in-laws saw it there and nearly hurt himself with laughter, something about it NOT keeping my ass out of the water. At the moment it looks a little like a nativity scene boat…but that will change over the coming weeks/months. You cant rush these things you know… and I've only had the plans for ten years so it might be a good time to actually read them eh?
This got me thinking about men and plans. We don’t need them…or at least we don’t think we do. It also got me thinking about my son-in-law and some payback.
How fortuitous then that I should turn up at his house on Christmas day to find him and his brother assembling a new flat pack BBQ. My daughter had put up her hand to host Christmas day for our two families and poor Stan was designated cook. (there's that word again)
The two young fellows were surrounded by boxes of parts and tools and looking perplexed at the apparently limitless heap of bits they had to assemble to make this rather large six burner unit.
They started at 10.30am..
I saw my chance at some payback here.
They didn’t need the plans, so they thought. After all, how hard could it be?
We all gathered our chairs and sat around them offering advice about which bit went where, as you would expect all my advice was complete fiction and absolutely wrong. Bits were bolted on...then taken off to be replaced with the right bit…which was taken off to be turned around the right way. Parts were thrown, tools too, and I was told to ‘shut the f*** up’ numerous times.
Eventually they retrieved the plans and actually began following them. (no fun at all)
But you don’t get this old by giving up easily… I went searching the bins and came out with several sets of gift plans for, among other things, a childs scooter, a pram and a set of nesting tables. Covers removed and discarded I went into action by swapping pages every chance I got. Everyone was in on the joke except the two lads putting it all together and all joined in enthusiastically.
It actually got funnier from here on in, more parts bolted on then off and more parts and tools thrown than ever before. Stan spent a few minutes looking for the storage tray for underneath the pram before realizing I’d suckered him.
They did eventually get the BBQ together amidst much joking and ribbing and they did eventually start cooking lunch…at about 2.30pm.
I hope your Christmas was as much fun as mine was..



mapstew said...

Pressies, cooking, eating, laughing, sleeping, eating, drinking, laughing, drinking, laughing. Time for a drink!

And all without stepping foot outside the house.

Windsmoke. said...

No matter what you are assembling the plans or instructions provided are a nightmare at the best of times sometimes it looks all greek or chinese whether right way up or upside down. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Tempo said...

Hi Map, It's quite special having family home with you, but there are good points about visiting them at their homes too...namely being able to find piece and quiet at your place after all the festivities...

You're absolutely right Windsmoke, laughable is the word I'd use to describe most assembly instructions. High on the list is Chinese instructions translated by someone who isnt good at Engrish..

magsx2 said...

Love the photo of the barbecue, I have never in my life seen steaks cooked like that on a barbecue, I love it.

I get so frustrated with some things that you have to assemble, it looks so easy before when you look at the box, and then when you open it and look at the instructions you just want to scream. :)

Symdaddy said...

My Oz relatives will have celebrated in a similar manner, I'm sure.

Personally, I just glad it's all over!

Tempo said...

Hi Magsx2,
I have actually seen a BBQ just like this, it was used to cook a duck stolen from a wildlife park.
Like everyone else I hate these printed instructions...written by dyslexic foreign speakers with no brains.
Hiya Symdaddy, I'm right with you there glad it's all over, but only for another year! (worry, worry)

mandy said...

lmao...Trouble maker...
But I would have done the same as you, it`s only natural...
Oh and if you do find that list could you please scrub my name off too..:)

Tempo said...

Hi Mandy, It was well worth the late lunch, we had those boys going at each other and running in circles...
Sorry to hear you're the dreaded designated driver too..I always thought we were supposed to take turns at that job?!

Ann said...

I have heard about people taking shopping trollies for BBQs, and now I know why they take them. LOL

The mud crabs you mentioned, are they the same as those up in Darwin? Once, I bought in the Gold Coast two big mud crabs and they cost me $220.

So if they are, I will catch the next jet star over the ditch and eat my stomach content. But if they are skinny flower crab, I pass.

Happy New Year and thanks for visiting.

I will post a photo of the Australia mud crab on another occasion. Other people might not be as passionate as crabs as me or you.

Tempo said...

The blue swimmer isnt related to the mud crab at all, it's a smaller oceanic crab which is great eating because of our cold and nutrient rich waters. They get to around 600mm from claw to claw though most will be about 450mm. At the moment they are everywhere and a walk on the sands when the tide is out will get you from 6 to 20. If you use drop nets and a small boat you can easily get the 60 which is your boat limit. YUM!
No license required, no cost.