Tunarama

Port Lincoln in South Australia has always been the centre of Tuna fishing in Australia. Originally Tunarama was a small festival for the Blessing of the Fishing Fleet, it has grown over 53 years to a big tourist event with a few quirky and unusual events that have survived the years.

One of these is the Boat Build and Race.

They give you two much to thin sheets of plywood, two lengths of way to flimsy baton, some wire, screws, nails, two tubes of glue, a saw, a drill and hammer. Then they give you and your one helper just two hours to make your own boat. The boat gets to sit in the sun for a few hours for the glue to nearly dry and then you race…

The result is of course hilarious.

This year there was a team from France, a team from the Netherlands, an all girl team, two father and son teams, a father and daughter team and the usual assortment of misfits and weirdo's.

Let the madness begin….

 The father and son team in the background, dad using the son as a weight to hold down their ply wood.

One of several Boy/Girlfriend teams. I fully expected a few arguments but sadly they remained well composed.










The word EWE means a female sheep, this boat EWES was built by the only all female team. As you can see they ran out of time and the boat floated but would not carry passengers so they swam it out and back. They didnt win but won the hearts of the huge crowd.

 Had there been any waves at all most of these craft would not have made the trip but as you can see this year the weather was great and the water flat calm

 Only one boat turned over (sad face)

Over the coming weeks we will visit the Tuna Toss, Tug of War and the Slippery Pole events. (Im still sore from the laughing...)

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Back when I first joined my current race team we ran Standard Sedans in Speedway, the new team had never raced before and my experience was limited to six years in a Super Modified team.

We started off all enthusiastic and helpful, lending tools and giving a hand where we could but before long we found people taking advantage, it all went wrong when we had about a thousand dollars worth of tools stolen while we were watching our car race; even though the pits were packed with people no one saw anything…. Hmm!

We put a lot of time and effort into our car and started to do very well, soon we had complaints of cheating laid against us, the marshals checked the car and even went to the trouble of making us have the engine stripped and certified, of course we were cleared but the team talked of nothing else for weeks, valuable time lost!

A few seasons passed and we changed to Formula 500 which is a far more competitive class, we bought one secondhand car and new motor here in Australia and soon ordered a new American car/motor package. We invented tools when we needed something special, like Formula One style car lifters and movers and had our own machine shop make and modify all manner of bits and pieces to make the cars lighter, stronger and faster. Our aim originally was to manufacture and sell these parts to offset the huge costs of inventing them but soon we found people photographing our equipment and making copies.

We lost two seasons with a few motor explosions and a couple of bad crashes. Last season a few days after a full knee reconstruction our driver had to be carried to the car, placed inside and the cockpit packed tight with foam so he couldn’t be injured, he didn't race but only circulated…all to get the few points for turning up.

This year we have two new American fuel injected methanol motors to prove. Two, fast but raw motors that just didn't go the way they should... but exactly the same as another dozen new motors bought and used by other teams in Australia. Unlike the others we didn't run them, instead we drilled holes all over one motor and fitted it with dozens of sensors, tested, modified and retested, over and over until we got this little 634cc four cylinder motor going as well as we could.

Last weekend we raced our new motor for the first time and gave the rest of the Australian Formula 500 teams a big wake up call. Our car went much better than anything anyone could throw at us and we won the night and the final by half a lap.

Between races we kept the car covered with tarps and refused to allow anyone to see or photograph it. There are only a couple of things you could actually see that we've changed on the outside but the team has learned valuable lessons from the past and this year we are playing the same mind games the others had used against us. Already there are calls of cheating and again the marshals will check and audit our cars but this time we are laughing about it….

*I think I found the problem....




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Ho Hum....

  A couple had been married for ten years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light. Now that ten years had passed, the wife felt this was ridiculous. She decided to break her husband out of this strange habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming session, she turned on the light. She looked down to see her husband holding a massive battery- operated vibrator.

`You impotent bastard!' she screamed, 'How could you lie to me all these years?!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: `OK, I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.'

 

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the pearly gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

St Peter addresses this guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the kingdom of heaven?' The guy replies, 'I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver.'

St Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven.'

The taxi-driver goes into heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years.'

St Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven.'

`Just a minute', says the minister. 'That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?'

'Up here, we work by results,' says St Peter. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.'

 An old cowboy sits in a saloon and orders a drink. A young woman sits down next to him. `Excuse me, are you a real cowboy^?' she asks.

'Well, I break colts, work cows, go to rodeos, bail hay, doctor calves, clean my barn and work on tractors, so I guess that makes me a cowboy through and through!.. What do you do sweetheart?'

The woman replies, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend all day thinking about women. As soon as I wake up, I think about women. When I'm having a shower, I think about women. When I drive my car, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

They sat drinking in silence.

A few minutes later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

 

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrives and bets $20 000 on a single roll of the dice. She says, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude.'

With that she strips from her neck down, rolls the dice and yells, `Mamma needs new clothes!'

Then she yells and screams, 'Yes! Yes! I won, I won!'

She jumps up and down and hugs each of the dealers. With that she picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs.

The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, What did she roll?'

The other answers, `I thought you were watching!'

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.

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This week in Australia...

We've had two weeks of extreme weather with a bit more to come. Tasmania doesn't burn because it's too wet.. but last week it did. Towns threatened, forests burned, 140 homes lost.
Then the extreme weather got to New South Wales and Victoria with hundreds of fires over several horrible days.
Tomorrow the heat gets to Queensland and we worry the same will happen there.

I live in South Australia where we get more than our share of heat, so much that the Bureau of Meteorology had to invent more colours for the heat map. Black for 50-52C (122-127F) and Purple for 52-54C (127-132F)...and you can see where I live on the map...see the Purple bit?...

This map shows the Cyclones (Tornadoes for you in the USA) At least none get here, in fact we really only get the tiny bit of rain left over after the rest of the country has had their share. (there had to be some advantages to living in the middle of nowhere) Our evaporation rate is four times our annual rainfall.

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I see......

"I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING......CUT THAT OUT !"

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and my excuse is...

 How was your New Years Eve? Not as bad as Kermits I hope. I had a few Roman coffees with friends and ended up a bit messed up.

 The ultimate 6 pack?

South Australia is in the midst of a heatwave and extreme fire danger period. It was 46 here today (116F) and will be 48 tomorrow (119F) The dogs really want to get out of the house but it's just too hot. (this isn't my puppy)

 

THIS is my puppy MAX with his first place ribbon for dog obedience won this last November.

I should really shut up here but will tell you that his ribbon was for first place in the PUPPY CLASS which took him the whole year to pass. He was up against tiny little puppies that he only had to step on to remove from competition.



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