Friday, July 30, 2010

Odds and Ends









Just cleaning out my files and found a few unrelated funnies that need sharing before deleting.

I once knew a woman whose virginity grew back….
..or so she claimed. (who am I to have doubts) Actually this one is true...

I discovered that even though I wash my hands when I’ve been to the toilet…
It’s a good idea to wash your hands beforehand as well when you've been chopping Chilies. Actually, so is this one...

Definition of car insurance: It’s a betting payment. I’m betting that I’m going to crash my car in the next twelve months. They’re betting that I’m not… and I’m hoping they win!

The three rings of marriage
The engagement ring
The wedding ring
The Suffering

The feeling you get when you find one chip in the box when you thought you had none, is not the same feeling you get when you think you have one left, but find none.

Let me know if i say anything that offends you ... I might want to offend you again later!!!

One of my nipples is a different colour to the other two. Is this normal?

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror.


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7 comments:

Pearl said...

"One of my nipples is a different colour to the other two. Is this normal?"

That made me laugh out loud!

Pearl

Ryan said...

Nice funnies mate, I once knew a woman whose virginity grew back….
..or so she claimed. (who am I to have doubts)

You know her too?

Jen said...

How does virginity "grow back"...and why would you want it to?

Tempo said...

G'day Pearl,
Glad it tickled your funny bone.

Hi Ryan and welcome,
Yeah, I know her, she's for real... and did I ask for proof? Not that silly mate!

Hi Jen,
I dont know and I dont know. I think it's more a statment of mental health, or lack thereof.


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Elyssa said...

Chillies - ouch! (yes, speaking from experience)

Also a good idea to stay away from eyes and noses...

:)

Tempo said...

Hi Lyss,
Yeah, Ive had chilli in my eyes as well...in fact anywhere you might like to scratch even after washing your hands is at risk. Still love my chillies though

Adorabibble said...

love it!