Sunday, November 7, 2010

The truth about women Part 7

There is one force that affects all women, all of the time.
It is an elemental urge of such magnitude it renders women powerless to resist it’s influence.

Only a foolish man would ignore it’s importance.
Read on only if you are prepared to handle:

The secret of how to understand women is in their:
Shoes. (Tah-Dah...Fanfare, drum roll etc.)

Everything you need to know about a woman is right there on her feet.
For centuries we’ve been trying to solve the riddle, and all the time we were looking at the wrong end of their legs!

Think about this:
Why do they all have a hundred pairs of shoes when they only have two legs?
Because they can have a hundred different moods! (head slap)

Take a look around, look at their footwear, then look at their expression- see what I mean?
Once you learn to recognize the messages she’s transmitting through her footwear, you will have no trouble deciphering what sort of creature she is, and more importantly, what sort of condition she’s in.

Here then is your field guide to Feminine Footwear.
Print it, keep it in your wallet, refer to it constantly.

It could save your life.

Consider then that you are now informed, prepared and ready to make contact with women. The next question is:
What on earth are you going to say to them?
If you want them to listen in amused amazement at your witty wordplay, you are going to have to come up with something better than:
“Nice norks, darling.”

In every survey ever carried out by woman’s magazines, the single characteristic they all claim to long for is:
“The ability to make me laugh.”

There are various problems attached to this seemingly simple requirement:
1: Women lie through their tights in surveys.
2: Laughter can be induced by the wrong things.
If she’s creased up and hooting at the first glimpse of Mr. Wriggly, you’re a dead duck.
3: When women smile at you it’s always best to check that it’s for the right reason. Be sure she’s not playing funny face with the big bloke behind you, has a facial tic, or is simply baring her teeth before biting your face off.

It’s been a while since I’ve been game enough to post one of these…or rather, I've been very busy and it takes ages to write these. (you think women are hard to understand… imagine trying to put it into the written word.. and as for making up these pictures…)



Jen said...

But I'm barefoot right now. What does that say about me?

NO! I'm NOT in the kitchen!

Tempo said...

LOL, thats very good Jen... You know, I didnt even consider what bare feet meant..I missed that one completely.

Pearl said...

:-D High heels, of course.


Tempo said...

Hmm, No wonder you're the talk of the bus Pearl...

Culture Served Raw said...

very interesting indeed! The teacher one was funny.. I guess I'll have to switch from my current affections for dorky sneakers.. much too revealing!

Hope you're well!