Friday, August 31, 2012




1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet.

When my wife had to go to hospital unexpectedly. She provided me with a list of items to bring from home. One of the items on the list was 'comfortable underwear'.
I had to ask, "How will I know which ones to pick?"
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered. "If you smile, put them back".


Saturday, August 25, 2012

I got Nuthin

 Actually, I'm not at all sure this one is true. (though, of course most of the others are)
Then again....

 Some builders have a sense of humor.. well as some Photoshop technicians.

This could just as easy read Mineworker Bubblebath or any of a million others, dont you think?
What others would you like to see?

YEAH! We will so there....
 At last someone had the balls to say it!

It turns out that all these claims are 100% true!

Nah, Nah!


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Whyalla Conservation Park.

I took this footage earlier today on my Yamaha TT. It shows our local Conservation Park from the highway right through and out the other end some 5 miles away. I actually took it to show other photographers and try to work out a way of making the footage less shaky. I've tried many different ideas so far but this is as good as I can get it (so far) The very expensive sport camera is embedded in soft foam and taped loosely to the head stem. Ive tried it bolted to the frame (worst footage ever) Taped to the tank, to me, to my helmet, to the front forks (second worst footage ever)

Any ideas?


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Joes Place

For 45 years Joe lived at power pole 251 on National Highway One. Living under a tarp with his radio as his best mate. A few who traveled the road frequently got to know him, bringing him water, food, magazines, books, batteries for the radio and the occasional treat.
Hidden away from the world Joe lived his life with the few things he needed, but his friends knew where to find him. Almost deaf , with little vision and missing a few fingers Joe lived his life, but still kept up with the *footy, particularly Port Power who he could tell you almost anything about.
In May 2007 Joe was found on the side of the road. He had fallen and broken his hip so he dragged himself to where he might be found. In hospital Joes health declined and he agreed to move into a nursing home, never having registered for the **dole or pension this was also arranged for him.
Sadly, after his health deteriorated Joe past away 27th June 2007. He never got his first pension cheque.
Joe was 85.

* Australian Rules Football
** Unemployment benefits.

*Pretty much the only photo of Joe taken a few years before his death, sitting there on the end of his bed.

After his passing Joe Sutton was cremated and his ashes spread at his home camp, free in the place he loved.
Joe's place still remains today. A memorial has been placed at his old camp  and a plaque has been placed on power pole 251. Visitors can also sign a memorial book located at the site.
A Geocache has been placed in memory of Joe to preserve his story as long as possible. Hidden just off the highway its another piece of history that shouldn't be lost in the scrub.

14/1/1922 - 27/6/2007

My Opinion.
In this modern world we don’t see things like this anymore, I was one of the millions who traveled that road from time to time and whipped past old Joe without ever knowing he was there, less than 100 metres from the nations busiest East/West highway.
I found his camp after he died when it was first made into a Geocache, we walked into it feeling like it was someones home because that’s how it was set up. His bed and clothes bundled under a low tarp against a tree which in which hung an assortment of personal objects. Glasses, comb, watch, a hat, a coat. The area directly around his bed was swept clean with a dry branch leaned against a tree and further away an enormous pile of old food cans, each with the label removed no doubt for fire starting. His hearth was tiny so he obviously only used it for cooking as the area still had bountiful supplies of fallen wood.
We looked through his things and walked the whole area wondering where he got food and water out here in Summer.
He never told anyone where he came from or why, his last name wasn’t even known until he was forced to apply for a pension and he only did that so the free hospital coverage would pay for his treatment. 

*The camp as we approached it from the road, his bed to the left under that tree, his only chair placed to get the afternoon sun
What would you call this old man?
I'm tempted to say he was an old time ***Swaggy but he didn't move, he just stayed there under his tree.
He wasn’t a Bum in the sense that he didn't ask for anything, he took no money and those that dropped by did so because they wanted to have another chat with Old Joe.
You can see by the pictures we took that he didn't have much, what he did have would barely fill a small cardboard box. I walked the camp and could make out that it had been shifted a few times over the 45 years but was still within 30 metres of where he finished up.

* The view to the North, nothing but small trees and a far off range of hills.

I've traveled the bush a fair amount and I often come across remnants of camps, you can see by the refuse how long they were there and when they were abandoned.
In the middle of bloody nowhere I've found old boots, a broken bottle or some long ago forgotten thing that says a man once passed this way.
How many Old Joes are there out there?
How many dropped dead where they were and are still?

***A Swag is a bed roll made of a blanket and any clothes etc you might have, it's slung over your shoulder as you walk. Swaggies walked the country looking for work or just living off the land.

*Looking through the trees to the West just on sun set.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

My Birthday Treasure Hunt

At exactly 9am I received GPS coordinates by SMS.
Quickly punching them into my Garmin I saw straight away that it was going to be one of the local fast food outlets. (They're all very close together) It turned out to be the golden arches and my clue was a womans first name.
First things first, seeing as it was early I ordered breakfast and coffee and sat to consider my clue. There was no one in the *restaurant that looked familiar and no one was looking at me so I went to the counter and asked for the womans name. * just who decided these fast food shops somehow deserve the title of restaurant?
I was pointed to the manager who knew who I was and gave me a small present containing another set of coordinates and lots of numbers on bits of paper. 

As she sits now, 3 Km from the water, you cant see it but you can walk right under the Corvette HMAS Whyalla

The new co-ords took me to our new city library.. I sat in my car looking at the numbers, two sets on two bits of paper. They looked somehow familiar.. then the penny dropped. I was outside the library and the numbers were Dewey numbers. The two sets of numbers took me to two books. Australia's Sea War and Greece and Cyprus during WW2. There were no bits of paper or marked pages in the books so I guessed the books themselves were the clue.
We have two WW2 sites here in town, a large Gun Battery which protected our harbor and ship building facilities and the first war ship built here now dragged from the sea and set up as a museum several kilometers from the sea…not a small ship.
I did a drive by of the ship, had a look about and not finding any clues moved on to the gun battery. 
The old gun battery is set on a hill overlooking the sea, as such it was perfect to set up as a picnic area with one restored ships gun and all the original emplacements still intact. With a few huge picnic tables with benches and a lookout viewing 360deg all around.
I wandered about the emplacements first and eventually made my way over to the big gun.
I like this place, during WW2 my father worked in the steel making facility and manned the big guns here on the hill.
Eventually I found a bright yellow rubber duck hidden in the recoil chamber of the big gun, on it were more co-ords.
Punching them into the Garmin it immediately came up with a map showing the point, I knew it immediately, my daughters house on the same street as mine…
The whole family was there, I was carried inside by a wave of grandkids, through the house and outside to the patio where they were all gathered with food, presents and cake. It was a great day and in fact the best birthday since my 21st.


Friday, August 3, 2012

Party Hard

It's my birthday soon but I'm one of those people who does not celebrate birthdays.
Birthdays are not a good thing and I've never had an interest in celebrating one's  decay and eventual demise.
In fact for many years I've gone away over my birthday just to preclude any chance of being caught up in the whole birthday bullshit. 

This year however is a dead set worry, you see this year my grown up daughters have summoned me for my birthday and they wont say why! (they're ID twins which makes them twice as scheming, twice as cunning, and twice as demanding as normal women)

Theyre going to text instructions in the morning that I have to follow, but to where do I follow them?

Old folks home?

Shallow grave in the bush? (I deeply regret saying: "If I get like that just shoot me")

My greatest fear is….INTERVENTION!


Wednesday, August 1, 2012


On a recent business  trip I needed to stay overnight, I chose a local Motel by chance as I drove into town.  When I checked in I said to the receptionist "I hope the porn channel is disabled"
"No" she said "It's regular porn you sick bastard!"

 A True Story
Who do you think was more scared? The Australian family camping in Kakadu National Park who woke up when a three metre crocodile tried climbing up on their tent, or the crocodile, when the family started screaming.
The poor croc turned straight around and raced back towards the water, unfortunately overlooking the tree in its way.
The tree lost a fair bit of bark and there were two big wet circles where the croc's nose had slammed into the tree...

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog shit off your shoe.

I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and said to my mate,

“That’s us in ten years.”

He said, “That’s a mirror.”

A LYSOL commercial just told me to disinfect the thing I touch the most.....uh oh, I think this is gonna burn!!! ;)