Australia for beginners

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Of Men and Women..

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dieting Advice for Dummies

 The following are examples of  FREE CALORIES and may be eaten at will.


1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

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2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.

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3. When eating with someone else, calories don’t count if you both eat the same amount.

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4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

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5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one’s personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

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6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

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7. If you eat the food off someone else’s plate, it doesn’t count.

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8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.

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9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.

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10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. (tuck in...)



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It breaks My Heart

The Australian Emu is not a smart bird...

They are much like the Ostrich except not quite as large, if you've ever hand fed an Ostrich you will know just what it's like to feed an Emu.. they peck the heck out of you. 

They have a cavernous beak but the aiming system is a bit wonky and they slam that huge beak into your hand like a mental, oversized Woodpecker. 

Even so they are a nice animal in most other respects and I have a soft spot for them.

Each year we get a lot of these huge birds come down from the waterless desert areas for food and water, they work their way South as the Summer heats up then work their way North again during the Winter.

This year these two young birds got trapped between the low coastal salt flats and the wire fence that keeps animals off the roads. The food supply in this area is along the road where the sparse rains flow off the roads and keep the nearby bushes growing.

I stopped to film them a couple of times when I was going to and from my favourite fishing spots. Over the weeks they tramped up and down a short stretch of highway but couldn't work out how to get to the other side of the fence... I had great fears for them.

 

You can see why they tend to get run over, their colour is perfect camouflage for the Aussie bush and if you don't see them moving you just don't see them at all.

One day I saw one dead on the side of the road, clearly hit by a vehicle.

A few days later the other one was dead not a kilometre away from his mate. 

This makes me very sad, these poor dumb but innocent birds killed by cars and trucks during the annual migration that's been happening for centuries before cars were ever invented. 

I tend to agree with the radical greenies who insist that there should be no fences in the outback except around Sheep and Cattle stations.

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