Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dieting Advice for Dummies

 The following are examples of  FREE CALORIES and may be eaten at will.

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories don’t count if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.
5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one’s personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.
6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.
7. If you eat the food off someone else’s plate, it doesn’t count.
8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.
10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. (tuck in...)



Adorabibble said...

you are so bad!

Pearl said...

Also, if someone else pays for it, I believe the calorie count goes down significantly.



Belle said...

If I missed lunch then the calories after dinner don't count. Good list.

Tempo said...

Hi Shan, To be fair, I never said I wasn't...
Right on there Pearl, in fact the calorie count goes down in direct relation to what you paid for the meal... free meals are completely free of guilt ridden calories.
Hi Belle, If you missed a meal during the day you are free to consume free calories after dinner, sleeping consumes heaps of calories.(thats why men uses three times the calories of normal sleeping)

Kal said...

That makes total sense to me. I need an good excuse when I see my weight next week.

Tempo said...

No problem Kal, print this out and show it to your clinician. I'm sure they will forgive you your sins.