Friday, May 17, 2013

Call me Ghillie.

An old work mate of mine who catches up from time to time dropped by with a question in mind.
“Mate, do you still have that Ghillie suit?”

Well, actually I do…and the several metres of camo cloth I used to wrap the rifle when hunting many, many years ago. (for some reason the market for secondhand Ghillie Suits is still rather flat)
It emerged that for reasons un-discussed he needed a full camo suit for him and one other person.
Now some of you might be tempted to ask why he wanted the camo but I have learned from painful and bitter experiences that it is most often better Not to ask such questions…   I prefer to make up my own lies rather than listen to other peoples lies. He needed it to uh…oh…Oh hell, why would anyone need camo?

* Typical Ghillie suit normally used for Hunting and Photography
…anyway, as his over detailed and convoluted lie wound it’s way inevitably toward justification for needing such a suit my mind began to wander…. Hmm!

By the time he’d explained his need for the suit I’d hatched a plan myself…
Oh, he  needed the suit alright but I convinced him he needed much more, the whole camo set..
He needed the camo body paint as well…but it was all good, I still had a bit he could have. We arranged a few days for me to get it all together before he dropped by to pick it up.
A rummage through the kids Busy Box* and I’d found the left overs from a kids Face Painting Set. There was no Black but Yellow was nearly gone so I cleaned out the plastic jar and went to the shed.
In the cupboard where I keep thinners, auto paints and polishes there are also a few car beautification products. One of those is Kitten Tire Black Paint. Water based just like kids paints but this flexible paint is tenacious. It never comes out of cloths and the spilled spots seem to take nearly a week to wear off of my hands.
By the time the Ghillie suit was picked up it came with a set of different coloured body paints, a new brush and instructions to completely brush the very conspicuous face, neck and hands area with a good coat or two of the Black.

I didn't hear anything for several weeks but eventually the call came, I can remember it almost word for word but if I wrote it minus the swear words there wouldn’t be anything left for you to read.
I told him they had no choice but to let it wear off, and wear off it did.
With several washes a day they had convincingly Black faces for a week and bits here and there for nearly three weeks. They’d had to go to work like that and one of the two had gone to a parent/teacher interview.

They got me back of course, but that’s another story. 

*Scraps of paper, lace and any craft materials that may be needed… one day

*Spot me if you can...


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Dear Penis

Since I've been away misbehaving.....
I thought I'd better post something to let you know I'm still alive.

Hi Guys!


Saturday, May 4, 2013

A Word To The Wise...

* This happened to one of my daughters at primary school...they seriously wanted to suspend the boy concerned. I found it difficult to take it that seriously...

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

"Everything has a purpose" he said for no reason at all.

A mighty oak is the result of a nut that held its ground.

* "How fast did you say he was going?"

Trying is the first step to failing.

Start planning today, to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

*Dont you love it when the kids get into your makeup after watching Batman?

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me!

YESTERDAY was the last day for complaints.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

 *C'mon KNOW you want him....