Friday, February 12, 2010

Number 17 in the series

Number 17 in the series
‘Everything you ever wanted to know about Women’

Meeting women

It’s going to happen sometime… Your eyes meet across a crowded wine bar, you smile, she gives the briefest sign of encouragement (she doesn’t run screaming into the traffic), you walk over to her, she turns, anticipating your wicked one-liner and…

Nothing! Zero! Blank! Your mouth is moving but no one is home…

All your carefully rehearsed spontaneous wit has dried up like camel pee on a hot rock, leaving you doing your ‘fish out of water’ impression.
You can skulk away without another word, ruining your one and only chance with this ‘Venus’, or you can go so far out into weirdland that she will think you really original and funny…Or the evil withered twin of someone whose jacket does up at the back….
Either way you’ll know soon enough.
Bear in mind though…if her reply is as weird as your question, you are in trouble deep.

One of the complications of talking to women is that sometimes they actually reply.
If you are lucky this might occasionally involve them using the word, ‘yes,’ …but don’t count on it.
It’s much more likely that you’ll hear something aimed at making Mr Twinky recede like a salted slug…

..It’s going to happen, so you might as well get used to the idea.
Write down a list of the worst put downs you and your friends can think of and get a friend to read them back at you…Loudly!

Practice being unfazed..

Walk away in a manner that suggests you’ve got to get back to your penthouse full of adoring love slaves….
Try not to cry…

Keep your nose in the air, chin up, best foot forward, eye to the future and ear to the ground. If you can do all this and still keep walking, you’ll be doing ok!

Next Week
Number 18 in the series
Talking to women


Joanna Cake said...

LOL, I think Im just too nice! I always try to make a guy go away with a smile on his face :)

Tempo said...

..If only all women were as kind as you Joanna. Some women are as nasty as they can be, seemingly just for fun!

Pearl said...

Me, I talk to everyone. :-)

I met my husband in a bar. I turned around to find a man staring at me, so I walked over to him and said, "Well you look like you have half a brain. How've you been?" and then we both started laughing. An hour later we've had another beer and comparing Frank Zappa albums.

Honestly, I think the key to any woman worth having is humor. And cleanliness.

Buying her a beer doesn't hurt, either. :-)


Tempo said...

Hi Pearl, My fav Zappa album is 'Joes Garage', Ive listened to it Oh so many times since I was Oh so young.
I totally agree with you..a great sense of humour is a cherished thing... in a woman or man! (not that I..)

mapstew said...

I find it helps being on stage with a mic! :¬)

(Off-stage I am just too shy! Ask Pearl, she'll tell ya!)

Tempo said...

I'm hearing you Mapstew, I used to be a DJ in an earlier life. (years ago) No one that knows me now would dream I could have done that. You kind of hide behind the mic eh?! Becoming and presenting a very different person.

Lyss said...

Ditch the lines and ditch the bars unless that's where you intend to spend your time anyway. I always find that there's more opportunity to meet someone interesting doing something you enjoy. Walking your dog, an art gallery, tango class, cooking class, browsing second-hand book store, volunteering etc. And then being friendly and charming, yet still retaining some mystery, seems to work.

But then, women can be forgiving. In the initial flirting stage, my current partner basically told me he thought I looked older (as in my actual age) closer up because of my aging skin! Fortunately, he also told me I was drop dead gorgeous. I realised he must have spent some time studying me to work out my age... which suggests interest... and it's true, I do look like my real age close up.

However, I think some women may be quite offended at wrinkles, grey hair etc being pointed out and don't recommend you work it into your intial contact!