Sunday, June 20, 2010

I got nuthin






Well, it’s winter down here in OZ.
While the rest of the world is slowly warming up toward spring and summer we’re descending slowly into a freezing winter. ..Actually, not all that slowly, and compared to many of you…not all that freezing either.

Short story…I’ve got nothing much to say, it’s cold and I’m suffering…
SO, I can either bore you with some crap about nothing much or maybe just tell you a funny story or two…

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep
hole.
"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.
"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. Throw one of these great big rocks
down there. That should make a noise we can hear."
They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole
and wait... and wait…Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his
face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a
railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in,
it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a
sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the
wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them,
running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air
and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the woods wanders a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.
Hey... Have you two guys seen my sheep out here?
“You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy
and just jumped into this hole!”
“Nah”, says the farmer, “That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was
chained to a railroad tie”…………………………………
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My mate Les owns a farm just down the coast a bit, and seeing as we’ve had a few hard years of drought, he has been doing it tough for a while now. He raises sheep you see and there’s not much money in skinny sheep.
His wife decided that it was time to diversify their livestock and so it was decided that they would buy a few pigs to breed up.
My friend Les loaded the truck and took all the money they could spare and headed to the local market where he got four breeding age sows.
He built a fine sty for them to live in, fed them well and waited for their first issue.
After several weeks there was still no sign of pregnancy, so he visited his neighbour for advice. Graham spent some time looking over the sows and proclaimed the problem to be that Les had not bought a Boar.
Knowing that Les had no money, Graham offered the use of his own boar to get him started with his breeding program.
Next morning Les loaded his four sows into the truck and headed off to Grahams farm to allow the sows to be put to the boar. Later in the afternoon Les returned to pick his animals up. He asked Graham how he would know when the sows were pregnant.

Graham told him the farmers sure fire way to tell, absolutely and for sure.

“When you get up in the morning” he said, “have a look at the sows, and if they’re rolling in the mud or running in the morning sun, then they are pregnant”. He went on, “If they’re relaxing under the trees they aren’t pregnant and you will have to bring them back to me to be put to the boar again”.
The next morning, Les rushed to his bedroom window and looked out hopefully, to his great sadness the sows were all laying under the trees ignoring the warming rays of the morning sun. Once again he loaded the sows into the truck and headed off to Grahams farm. Once again in the afternoon he headed back to pick up his animals and return them to the farm.
Next morning he bounced out of bed and headed straight to the window, but once again the sows were relaxing under the trees. Reluctantly he again loaded his sows and once again he retuned to get them late in the day. This went on for several more days, each with exactly the same outcome.
About day five he woke late to find his wife brushing her hair by the window and peering out.
“The sows”, he said, “Are they rolling in the mud?”
“No”, says his wife.
“Are they running in the morning sunshine then?”
“No”, says his wife.
“Then they’re laying under the trees again?” He says, almost weeping.
“No”, says his wife, “They’re waiting in the truck”.

5 comments:

Gregory said...

loved the first story, was way too funny

mandy said...

Yes it`s been way too cold here in SA....We have actually had quite a few foggy mornings...Plus these old bones are taking a while to warm up too...Bring on spring and then I can complain about hayfever, then not to forget about summer when it`s way over the top with the heatwaves we get ....lmao...
Hope you`ve been well....:)

mapstew said...

We're getting some sunny here at last!

Great stories pal, would sound even better being told in person after a few pints! I'll drop in on ya someday! :¬)

Tempo said...

Hi Gregory, An oldie but a goodie that one. Glad you liked it.

Hi ya Mandy, way too cold for me already and still getting colder... Youre right of course, after we fini whining about the cold there will be the heat, flies, dust etc, etc. LOL

Hey Map, Who dont love a campfire, few brews and some tall stories... it's been way too long. Grab your swag and head this way!

Jen said...

We don't really have much of a winter. Our seasons are hurricane and tornado.

My feet and my knees are great. I was having more discomfort from driving long distances than I did from the marathon or hiking.