Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What men say...what men actually mean

"I'M GOING FISHING":
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH, SURE HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST . . . I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've ever owned, I just forgot your birthday."

"I DUNNO . . . I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU THESE ROSES. . ."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

"I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my out stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."



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10 comments:

Punk Chopsticks said...

LOL NOOOOOOOOOooooo
I think my idealism just died xD This is pretty cynical buy effing HILARIOUS!!! Did you come up with this?

Pearl said...

LOL @ Punk Chopsticks!

My idealism, however, died a while back, having been married almost 8 years. :-)

Pearl

Belle said...

I love this. It is so true about my husband.

Windsmoke. said...

Very humourous take on the battle of the sexes which is never ending :-).

Symdaddy said...

My God! That is soooooo spooky!

Do you know me at all?

magsx2 said...

Hi Tempo,
Well done, and I'm sure very, very true. LOL

The Jules said...

Excellent.

"I'LL COOK TONIGHT"
Translated: Take away!

Tempo said...

Hi Punk Chopsticks and welcome, it's cynical but pretty much true and that's what makes it funny. I pinched it from a FaceBook friend who undoubtedly pinched it from someone else..
Hi Pearl, Hmm, 8 years...long enough for you to know all the truths by now then..
Hiya Belle, it's true about most womens husbands I'm afraid...and most men in general including me!
Hi Windsmoke, I love these sort of jokes, so long as we can look at ourselves and continue to laugh then we're traveling well.
@Symdaddy, Yes mate. I had you in mind when I compiled this list...then checked it over with your family..and mine!
Hi Mags, Do you have doubts?... Of course it's true...well, mainly!
Hey Jules, I'll have to add that one...thats me for sure. I offer to organize dinner and buy pizzas or some other take out... LOL

Sandra said...

You're brilliant! Copying, pasting into Word, and putting it prominently on my fridge to wave in my husband's face next time he uses any and all of those lines on me!

Tempo said...

Hi Sandra, May I suggest ticking them off one by one as he does them?