Thursday, November 29, 2012


Pogona vitticeps
These lizards are very common here, you usually see them perched right at the top of bushes, posts etc where they use the suns warming rays to heat their bodies and prepare for hunting. Most times they will remain absolutely still, relying on their camouflage to keep them safe from predators. They eat pretty much anything they can fit into their mouths including flowers and fruit (they love strawberries) insects, lizards and like I said, anything that fits their mouth. 

 Ive been trying to catch one for you for about 9 months and saw a huge nearly black one recently but my offsider was too scared to act as a decoy so I could catch it. At well over two feet long and wild, it may have been too much for me to handle anyway..

I was walking through a graveyard recently and only noticed this one because as I walked right next to it I thought it was a strange ornament to be placing on top of a grave so I went back to look again. 

I caught it just as I always do, stealth! 
They look at your eyes, scanning them for any sign that you've noticed them in which case they run like hell and you have very little chance of catching them. I averted my eyes as I put one hand around behind it and grabbed the very tip of it's tail. As soon as it feels your touch it turns to bite you so you have to be quick to lift it off it's perch before it bites…it missed me by only an inch, close! (I'm getting slow with old age)

With it's size and having a small head I think it was a young female only two or three years old. Her natural colour is camo brown with tans through to blacks but they change colour to suit their environments and only go red/orange like this for display, mating and when theyre really pissed off like this one is.
She really wanted to bite me… But they have no sharp teeth and the bite is nothing more than a clamping sensation resulting in little or no damage.

Underneath she's quite smooth with tiny scales much like the soft underbelly of most snakes and lizards.
On top though this is a very interesting lizard, those sharp points are modified scales and they are hard and sharp but the underlying skin is very soft and rubbery so the points move about easily. If you were biting or eating this lizard it wouldn’t be nice in the mouth but little else. It's full of bluff, it puffs up the collar under it's head, changes colour and hisses at you with mouth open hoping to make you think twice about eating it, if that fails it runs like heck. 
I had my offsider take these shots then I put her carefully back where she came from to continue to terrorise the local bug and flower population. 

I bet she gets a lot of tasty fresh flowers in her graveyard home.


Wednesday, November 21, 2012


A husband is sent out by his wife to buy some fruit and vegetables. But she insisted they had to be organic. He goes to the market and has a good look around but can't find any.
So he grabs an old, tired-looking employee and says, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'
The produce guy looks at him and says, 'No. You'll have to do that yourself.'

A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. `You'll get your chance in court,' says the desk sergeant. `No, no, no!' says the man. 'I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!'

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics
guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After applying her 'miracle' products, she asked, `Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?'
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, 'Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; and your figure, 25.'
`Oh, you flatter me!'
`Hey, wait a minute! I haven't added them up yet.'

A Texan lands in Sydney, and is picked up by a taxi. After requesting a tour of the city, he starts into a tirade about the small-town airport and how in Texas they have larger runways on their ranches.
They are soon crossing the Sydney Harbor Bridge, and the Texan is further unimpressed, 'I have a duck pond bigger than that harbor, and an ornamental bridge to span it that makes this look like a toy.'
The Sydney-Newcastle Expressway also gets his scorn. `Is this a road, or a track?' he shouts with contempt.
So when a kangaroo jumps out in front of the cab, causing the sudden and severe application of the brakes, the driver can't help himself.
`Bloody grasshoppers!' he mutters…….

A twelve-year-old boy goes up to his Tasmanian  neighbor and says, 'I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw your wife giving you a blow job. Nyah, nyah, nyah.'
The Tasmanian guy laughs and answers, 'The joke's on you,
Johnny. Nyah, nyah, nyah – I wasn't even home last night.'


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Tulka Fires 2012

After many decades without fire the Tulka area near Port Lincoln was dry and had a lot of built up undergrowth. In 2005 a fire broke out sweeping across 145,000 Hectares, it killed 9 people and injured 113. A total of 93 homes were lost along with 50 other buildings, 100 vehicles and 30,000 livestock. Huge areas were evacuated and no one will forget the pictures of people standing in the sea to escape the flames that drove them there as they watched everything they owned destroyed.
Our state was in shock for months and the result was a heavy upgrade of fire fighting equipment, contingency plans, escape routes and fire fighting water supplies.

Just a week ago it happened again…
It started close to the previous fire and followed a similar pattern, burning in inaccessible areas until it built up then sweeping across the roads to attack the built up areas.
This time though, with more money expended and our firefighters ready for the fight the statistics are far more reasonable. (unless you owned one of the houses lost)
Farmers had time to cut their fences to release stock, homes were abandoned early and firefighters manned (and womanned) every possible firefighting vehicle… the entire state held our collective breaths.

This time we lost 9 homes, 11 sheds and just 850 Hectares of land.
With the reduction in losses we were able to concentrate on the wildlife like never before.
Kangaroos simply hop over fences and get away, Wombats dig their burrows deeper and survive in the cool earth but Koalas cant run or hide and generally die a miserable death.
The last fire destroyed countless Koalas over a huge area, a rare and special sub species was lost forever. Thankfully there were areas with far too many Koalas so they were simply moved into the fire damaged areas as regrowth appeared to support them.
This fire killed many of the imported animals and so with the state already prepared for an onslaught of injured humans they swung into action to save as many of the injured animals as they could. 

*This little Kangaroo has burned feet and lost his mother in the fire, he's being cared for in the home of a wildlife warrior and will be released when possible.



Sunday, November 11, 2012

Things real men dont say...

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
2. No, I don’t want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. Her boobs are just too big.
4. Sometimes I just want to be held.

5. Sure, I’d love to wear a condom.
6. I have not been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.
7. Screw Monday night football; let’s watch dancing with the stars.
8. It’s late. Put your clothes back on and I’ll take you home.
9. Honey, I’m going to the store, do you need some tampons?
10. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.
11. I’m sick of beer; give me a large fruit juice with a lemon twist.

12. Great, your Mother is coming to stay with us again.
13. This movie has way too much nudity.
14. I better get rid of these old Playboy magazines. I don’t look at them anymore.
15. Damn, we’re late for church!
16. No, I don’t want to see your sister’s boobs.
17. Put your bra and panties on for Christ’s sake.
18. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor Tammy knows that her bathroom drapes are open. Maybe I should tell her.
19. No way, you weeded the garden and washed the car last week, it’s my turn now.
20. I understand.


Monday, November 5, 2012


Fewer than half the roads in Australia are paved, way fewer than half.
Most are simply graded dirt, some with a thin layer of crushed rock rollered down on the bare earth, it's not because we're too laid back and don’t care…OK, so it is because we're too laid back and don’t care!
Either way, Australia is the natural stomping ground of the 4WD off road vehicle, not those plastic pretend 4WD's from the suburbs, the real ones. (lets not get into what makes a REAL 4WD)

* Cant miss it mate, it's the brown Toyota.

Over the years I've seen many pretend 4WDs stuck where I could get my 2WD through, in fact if we go back 30 years when cheap 4WDs were non existent, I drove my 2WD Ford back and forth across the country, up mountains and through creeks that are considered 4WD only these days. I got it stuck a great many times and we winched, dug, pushed and pulled it through almost impossible terrain. All we had was a hand winch, shovel, axe and chains….and that most valuable asset, Youth!

 *My little Tojo NOT making the crossing.

 *watch the water hazard

I was reminded of this just recently when my son-in-law bought his first 4WD, within two weeks he'd decided he could drive it down onto one of our secluded beaches where it promptly sank to the floor pan. The call for help went out…
They shoveled all afternoon as they watched the tide coming in, eventually they gave the car up as lost and emptied everything out of it. Sitting exhausted on the beach watching the water encroach on his pride and joy they took the photo you will see here. Just then Uncle Mark drove up in his F100 Ford, hooked up and had the 4WD dragged back to the beach within seconds…lesson learned.

Here then is a celebration of getting the unstickable stuck..


*Even the Police occasionally stuff up.

*I've done this trick myself a few times

*Not to worry, the tide will go down in 6 hours and knowing Toyota's this one will probably  drive away under it's own steam.

*Son-in-laws Mitsubishi left for dead on Mininini beach. (try pronouncing that after a few beers)


Friday, November 2, 2012

Who saw this coming?

Wow. Here I am writing about this. Who saw that coming?
Sooner or later everybody becomes something they never thought they'd be. A bloke with loans to pay and kids to raise. A clone of their own parent. A country music fan*. Life can be terrifyingly unpredictable that way.
How many times have you caught yourself saying something your mum or dad used to say to you?
‘When I was a kid….’
‘…if you do that one more time!’
‘..a wigwam for a gooses bridal’ (ok, so I never used that one)
‘…Because I said so!’
‘Just because!...’

I guess it’s not surprising that we remember well those things our parents say to us (scream at us) and I personally have had many of those sad moments when I hear myself channelling my mother.
So now I find myself looking at a bloke I never thought I’d become, I hardly recognise myself from that small quiet lad that had very different ideas of where life was taking him…I know it’s still me though! I can tell from the complaining!

So what weirdness did your parents scream, yell or say to you that left you as obviously twisted as you are?

* I am in no way a country music fan. (just saying)