Friday, December 28, 2012


A couple was driving the car on a country road. Suddenly a three legged chicken came running after the car, passed it and run into a side road.

"Wow!" said the husband "Did you see how fast that chicken could run!" Shortly after another chicken came and passed the car with a tremendous speed. The wife said "And did you see that it had three legs!"

Now they were really curious about these chickens so they descided to follow the road where the three legged chickens just went. Eventually they came up to a farm and to their surprise there were many three legged chickens running around. The farmer came out to greet them. Now they had to ask him about how is it possible to breed three legs chickens?

The farmer explained: "You see we are three in this family, me, my wife and our son. And every time we had chicken to eat, we all wanted the chicken club. So we tried and tried and managed to create a rase of three legged chicken so we all could have a leg!

Fantastic! And how does this chickens taste?
"Well", said the farmer, "there is a problem - we have still not been able to catch one!"

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

   One day this one lady got bitten by a rabid dog so she went to the hospital. The doctor told her that it was a terrible and severe bite so he suggested that she'd write a will. So she did and just kept writing and writing and writing.
    After a long while, the doctor came back while she was still writing.
    He asked her, "Wow, that's a rather long will!."
    She responded, "No it's not a will, it's a list of people I'm gonna bite."



Mal Cockburn said...

Save me one of those chooks mate, if anyone ever manages to catch one! Hope you had a good Christmas. All the best for the New Year ahead. Cheers.

Pearl said...


I'm going to tell a couple of these, you know.


Windsmoke. said...

Looks like the three legged chickens are as fast as the Road Runner.

Tempo said...

Hi Mal, I see you linked to Google+ and can no longer use anything but your real name. That annoys the crap out of me mate, they tell us not to give personal details online then make it impossible to do anything but.. Not sure about three legged chooks but four legged cooks are called cats... Cheers mate.
Hi Pearl, You had better use them, after all I put them up especially for you...but you already knew that..
Hey Windsmoke, beep beep! Loved the Road Runner as a kid, but these days I'm going for the coyote.

magsx2 said...

Fantastic selection of jokes, loved the chicken one, and the someecards joke. :)

Tempo said...

Hi Mags, My fav is the Tube Rentals and the dog joke. I hope you're having a good silly season.