A couple was driving the car on a country road. Suddenly a three legged chicken came running after the car, passed it and run into a side road.
"Wow!" said the husband "Did you see how fast that chicken could run!"
Shortly after another chicken came and passed the car with a tremendous
speed. The wife said "And did you see that it had three legs!"
Now they were really curious about these chickens so they descided to
follow the road where the three legged chickens just went. Eventually
they came up to a farm and to their surprise there were many three
legged chickens running around. The farmer came out to greet them. Now
they had to ask him about how is it possible to breed three legs
The farmer explained: "You see we are three in this family, me, my wife
and our son. And every time we had chicken to eat, we all wanted the
chicken club. So we tried and tried and managed to create a rase of
three legged chicken so we all could have a leg!
Fantastic! And how does this chickens taste?
"Well", said the farmer, "there is a problem - we have still not been able to catch one!"
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and
hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
One day this one lady got bitten by a rabid dog so she went to the
hospital. The doctor told her that it was a terrible and severe bite so
he suggested that she'd write a will. So she did and just kept writing
and writing and writing.
After a long while, the doctor came back while she was still writing.
He asked her, "Wow, that's a rather long will!."
She responded, "No it's not a will, it's a list of people I'm gonna bite."