Sunday, December 23, 2012

What Job Adds Really Mean

"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

"Join our fast-paced company"
We have no time to train you.

"Casual work atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"Some overtime required"
Some every night and some every weekend.

"Duties will vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an eye for detail"
We have no quality assurance.

Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"Apply in person"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.

"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"
You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

"Problem-solving skills a must"
You're walking into perpetual chaos.

"Requires team leadership skills"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"Good communication skills"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. 



Windsmoke. said...

Some overtime required: We'll pay you if we feel like it without penality rates or not at all because we're penny pinchers and want it for free.

Good communication skills: Management talks in tongues and says one thing but wants you to do something completely different. You need mind reading skills and a crystal ball to workout what.

Joe Pereira said...

hahaha, spot on :)

Shackleford Hurtmore said...

Nice. I had a go at doing these a couple of years ago when I was job hunting.

My favourite one was: "Parking Available" means: "this is what we consider to be a benefits package."

Tempo said...

Hi Windsmoke, Exactly right and every employer is the same. Pity we dont have "truth in job adds" laws.
Hi Joe, they are arent they. Funny because theyre true.
Hi Shackleford Hurtmore, Im sure employers all hate workers secretly. They must wince every time they hand over a pay check.
To All, My blog seems to have vanished..gone AWOL. I cant find it and Blogger have no idea. I can still post because I can still find the dashboard. If you have me in your blogroll you will still get the updates. Otherwise I'm gone at least for now..

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Re: The job descriptions. As Bukowski said: "At long last...THE TRUTH."

Re: The vanishing. That's a hell of a Christmas present.

Pearl said...

And my favorite add-on to the job description: "And other duties as needed".

That's where they get ya. :-)


Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Sounds about right to me............

Tempo said...

The Unbearable Banishment, At last the truth but will it make any difference to the way they advertise? Not a chance. Google did manage to fix it for me and now I have access to the blog again, bit surprising because last time it vanished I never did see any of it again.
Hi Pearl, 'as needed' that could be anything at all couldnt it... Ive never had a job where I knew what I'd be doing from one day to the next. I just do as I'm told, kinda like marriage.
Hi Jo-Anne, It sure does, takes the myth out of job hunting. Pity they dont make it law to say what they actually mean