Lets play a new game

A few days ago while way out in the bush I saw something I see quite a lot, I really dont know why I see them when others dont, but having seen so many I knew exactly what it was immediately. It was right where I was about to put my foot, so I changed direction midstep leaving that mark on the ground as I stumbled.
Can you see it...the spider?

 That mark near the centre of the photo is the door of a Trapdoor Spider. A big black hairy spider that will make you very sick indeed. I dont think I've ever been bitten by one but theres still time...

Here...let me bother it for you  (Steve Irwin Style)

 I damaged the door a bit with my knife while opening it but the spider will soon fix that. (we all carry knives for fighting for ones life)
This opening is a full inch diameter which is pretty big because they tuck their legs under and over them as they go in meaning the hole is the exact size if their body. The hole is between 4 and 5 inches deep with a small underground cavaty at the bottom.  The hole is a work of art is it not, smoothed out and fully lined with silken web.
Ive seen Aboriginal people tease them into biting a blade of grass so they can be gently pulled from their hole. (Not sure why)

Now you can see it, right?



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Jokes

An Aussie walks into his doctors office, he has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly".

My 85 year old uncle had to visit the doctor and was asked to provide a sperm sample. The doctor described the procedure, gave him a sample jar and asked him to return a fresh sample in the morning.

The next morning uncle returns to the doctor with an empty jar.

"What happened?" asked his doctor.

"Well," starts the old man, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then she tried with her left hand- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then her teeth out, still nothing. We even called the lady next door for help but try as she might….." The doctor interrupted at this point, "You mean to say you asked your neighbour for assistance?"

"Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get that damn jar open."

Women..

THE FIVE SECRET STEPS TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

(FEMALE VERSION)

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet.

When my wife had to go to hospital unexpectedly. She provided me with a list of items to bring from home. One of the items on the list was 'comfortable underwear'.

I had to ask, "How will I know which ones to pick?"

"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered. "If you smile, put them back".

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Just one Photo?

Do you like the new family portrait?

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I got Nuthin

 Actually, I'm not at all sure this one is true. (though, of course most of the others are)
Then again....


 Some builders have a sense of humor..

 ..as well as some Photoshop technicians.

This could just as easy read Mineworker Bubblebath or any of a million others, dont you think?
What others would you like to see?

YEAH! We will so there....

 At last someone had the balls to say it!


It turns out that all these claims are 100% true!

Nah, Nah!




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