Saturday, May 5, 2012

DEFINITIONS BY GENDER


This week we return to an old favorite of mine, WOMEN; or rather the gender gap and the ongoing conflict between the sexes. 
Lets be honest here, men and women just dont think the same, so this week I give you a key to the secret meanings of common words as seen by the two sexes.
Butt (but) n.
FEMALE: The part of the body that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger.
MALE: What you slap when someone's scored a goal. Also useful for mooning.

Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
FEMALE: A desire to get married and raise a family.  
MALE: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
FEMALE: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. 
MALE: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
FEMALE: A good movie, concert, play or book.  
MALE: Anything that can be done while drinking.

Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
FEMALE: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
MALE: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

 Making love (may-king luv) n.
FEMALE: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. 
MALE: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

Thingy (thing-ee) n.
FEMALE: Any part under a car's hood. 
MALE: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
FEMALE: Fully opening up emotionally to another.
MALE: Riding a motorbike without a helmet.



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16 comments:

magsx2 said...

Hi Tempo,
There brilliant, I especially liked the last one. LOL

Windsmoke. said...

The following get my vote: Communication, Entertainment, Flatulence and the Thingy is definitely a pesky thingy when you want to play around with the fun bags :-).

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Excellent..Bang on the money.

I would however add that the ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon needs to point out that this ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon is started by the woman at about 2:30 am, when the bloke is almost asleep.

And I object.(I was told to object) My Beloved can easily recognise the oil filler cap under the hood. It's a lovely magenta colour, with a peach stripe. It also has 710 embossed on the cap.

Tempo said...

Hi Mags, thanks for your support.
Hi Windsmoke, Yes the Thingy is a female invented obstacle to the fun we should all be having.
Hey TSB, I agree with your point but I suspect they do it deliberately because they know you will agree to anything just to get her to shut up.
I think you will find that 710 is the part number for whatever that cap actually does..

Symdaddy said...

Oh, very good!

My wife 'harrumphed' at every single one!

River said...

A thingy can also be that doohickey that screws onto the whatsit that then holds both of them to another part. Just ask my ex, who often went to great lengths of words when what he needed was a nut.

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

"I think you will find that 710 is the part number for whatever that cap actually does.."

Dear Tempo, maybe she had the oil filler cap upside down????

Tempo said...

Hey Symdaddy, It's all been worthwhile when a post makes a woman harrumph...ahh! I can rest assured now.
Hi River, I used to work in a spare parts department of a large motorbike dealership, I've heard them all, and heard all the unlikely explanations..I could write a book on it. So Funny!
Hi TSB, No mate, that cant be it because my Toyota has a 710 cap too, strangely so do most cars...Hmmmm?

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Sorry, I forgot that Aussies can do irony. I thought you could only do sarcasm and Kiwi sheep jokes :=)

Joe Pereira said...

Great observational skills Tempo - I love the "thingy" one :)

Belle said...

Your posts about men and women kill me because they are so true. Why do we even want to be together? When all is said and done, it's got to be the sexual attraction.

Tempo said...

Hi TSB, I've got lots of Kiwi sheep jokes and my NZ friends have exactly the same jokes about Aussies.
Hi Joe, I'm sure the Thingy is universal, I've seen them on several makes of cars and even on kitchen appliances.
Hi Belle, it's hard to see that we all start the same way from the exact same egg and sperm but we end up so very different. I love to poke fun at sexism, we're different and thats just great!

Stella said...

Hiya, Mapstew sent me over to say hi. I like your blog.

mapstew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tempo said...

Hi Stella and welcome.I'm glad you like the blog
Hi Map, Not sure whether to take you seriously there mate but I'm quite sure all women can be trouble when they want to be...

mapstew said...

I really should stay away from the innerwebs when I'm drinking!
(But what I said - true. Seriously!) :¬)