Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Just Cause...

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."

 A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"
"Oh i had sex with my teacher," he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home.
When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, "Go talk to your son...he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!"
The dad with the BIG grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, "son im so proud of u im going to get you that bike you have wanted."
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asked him if he wanted to ride it home and the son replied,
"Nah dad my bum is still sore."

Top Ten Things Men SHOULDN'T say out loud at Victoria's Secret

10 Does this come in children's sizes?

9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing.

8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7 Mom will love this.

6 Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys Logo on it?

5 No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.

4 Will you model this for me???

3 Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!

2 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!

1 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!! 
 Q. Why can't Barbie get pregnant?

A. Because ken comes in a separate box! 


Old Bitter Balls said...

Pure fucking filth. I am shocked.

Symdaddy said...

I didn't know you had it in you!

Well done!

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

The PC police had better not see these.

Windsmoke. said...

These are all brilliant and made me laugh big time. Number 3 was the best bacause you're definitely playing with fire if you told a woman that and you would probably end up sleeping on the couch for a week :-).

mapstew said...

As we say over here,'Yer very bold'! :¬)

Magsx2 said...

Hi Tempo,
I am still laughing, great jokes, I loved them all, but I did laugh out loud when I finished reading the joke about the 13 year old.

Very brave of you to put these jokes up good on you. :)

Tempo said...

Hi Old Bitter Balls, Jokes mate, just jokes, but I doubt these could ever shock you. I'm a regular visitor of your blog so I know and have seen...
Hi Symdaddy, these old shockers have been in my unused jokes folder for ..years actually. I had to use them sooner or later.
Hi TSB, Yes they might take them down, I regret no changing the school teacher reference but couldn't work out a way to make him a Priest..
Hey Windsmoke, Can you imagine the horrible fate awaiting you if you dared say any of those things to the missus..
Hi Map, They had to be said, sooner or later they had to be said.
Hi Mags, They were to good to throw away and have been in my folder for so long but every time I consider using them I wimp out.

River said...

oh dear, a man would have to be VERY brave to be saying #3 to his woman.
Laughed at the other jokes.

Tempo said...

Hi River, I suspect this is really a list of things men should never even contemplate saying..

Adorabibble said...

you are officially my new hero!