Thursday, April 1, 2010

WOMEN



WOMEN

..They’re not like us.

In fact they’re SO not like us, I’m amazed they have anything to do with us at all.
If you’re going to try to connect with them, it’s best you know a little about what makes them tick..

Umm….

Ok, we’ll come back to that one.
In the meantime, here are a few observations about female behavior, taken from a detailed survey carried out in a local mens hospital ward.

1. They like men to be strong, silent types who can freely discuss complex emotional issues. (WTF)
2. They try to teach babies to talk by talking like a baby.
3. They never fart, belch or sweat. (that cant be good for them eh?)
4. They kiss and hug when meeting, even if they hate each others guts.
5. Ladies don’t like jokes about being fat.
6. They cant throw when playing games but are deadly accurate during an argument.
7. They don’t understand that, “Uhuh, mmm.” Means, “ I am in total agreement with everything you just said.”
8. More than three men is a pig-fest. More than three women is a sisterhood.
9. They always pretend not to want desert…then eat yours.
10. They run funny.
11. They have not worked out that if we listen to anyone for more than two minutes we switch to our default settings.
12. They have only one real master…and that is chocolate.
13. They don’t understand why curtains don’t excite us.

Of course none of this helps us at all. We are still no wiser or able to predict what they will do or say, or when they are going to hit us.

Part of what makes them so difficult to understand is the way they change from one minute to the next. This makes it very hard to generalize about them.
However, the truth is that women are all the same…

..but not at the same time.

7 comments:

Princess L said...

Pure genius. Any chance of conducting a seminar on this subject in the U.S.? Preferably somewhere near Chicago? I can guarantee a sold out stadium.

Tempo said...

Dont be fooled Princess... I know nothing about women, it's just that I find them fascinating. (like White Sharks and other dangerous pastimes)

Pearl said...

I suspect that you are close to the truth on a lot of these.

Except for the bodily functions. :-) But we don't discuss those.

Pearl

Lyss said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lyss said...

14. We want our independence and equality... and for you to act chivalrous and old-fashioned and take us out to dinner.

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

or when they are going to hit us hahahahahahaha...

That was fantastic. Oh yes we are an interesting bunch, aren't we?

Tempo said...

If I'm close to the truth, it's only by sheer fluke I assure you Pearl... Men I understand, women I have no idea about..and thats probably for the best.

Hi Lyss, Yes women are full of contradictions, but thats what makes you so damn interesting. I must be honest and say that I dont even try to understand women. A little mystique is a good thing.

Hello Rebecca, Oh yes, a very interesting bunch. I do like to poke fun at our subtle differences and I'm glad that you have the sence of humour to enjoy it as it was meant.